Lesson 11 (Emotional Intimacy)

August 4th, 2025
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Key Concept

Fully know and delight in each other.

The goal of this lesson is to help participants see two concepts that will move them towards emotional intimacy: (1) Be willing to open up about thoughts and feelings and (2) work to understand their spouse which includes acknowledging and embracing differences. Said another way, this lesson encourages participants to be known by their spouse and to invest energy in knowing their spouse, just as we do in our relationship with God.

Question Highlights

  • Q1: Which is more difficult for you, fully knowing your spouse or being fully known by your spouse?  Why?

  • Q2: What could you do better to make your marriage a safe environment where there is no fear of rejection?
    This question should cause participants to look deep inside their circle. If couples feel they are doing this well, ask what micro improvements they could make.

  • Q3: Which is hardest for you:  sharing personal failures, sharing hopes and dreams, or being open to blind spots?  Why?
    Couples want to be fully known. This is a good place to remind them that God already knows them. They are not hidden from his sight. Refer them back to previous lessons (e.g. 1 [Love], 3 [Grace]) and verses like Romans 5:8 & 1 John 4:19.

  • Q4: What are three ways that you are different from your spouse (personality, gifts, interests, priorities, etc.)?  Do these tend to create emotional intimacy or distance in your marriage?  Take a moment to thank God for these differences?
    Whatever time you can spend on this question will be worth it. This is an opportunity to affirm the way God has made each participant. Emphasize the beauty in all the differences mentioned and how God has gifted each one to serve the other.
    - For differences that are diametrically opposed (e.g. saver vs. spender), discuss how to soften the negative impact of the difference while enhancing the positive of each.

  • Q5: Men ask your wife, "What are three ways I can love you better?"
           Women ask your husband, "What are three ways I can respect you better?"
    This might be the first time couples have ever asked each other this question, so be prepared for a wide variety of answers. Some might be hurt, some surprised, some encouraged. Some might struggle to answer so model this question with your spouse and share how each of you feel loved & respected.
    - It might be worth reading out loud Ephesians 5:21-33 to provide the full context of the question. And in the interest of time, ask everyone to share one thing from their list rather than all 3.

  • Q6: What have you not confessed or shared with your spouse that could be creating a barrier to deeper intimacy?
    It is not uncommon for someone in the group to finally confess something they have been hiding this whole time. Be sensitive to body language and prepared to lovingly come alongside any of the couples that had a challenging time with this question.

  • Action Item 2: Read Psalm 103:8-13. Note in this passage how God views and treats people.  Then, write down some ways you have viewed and treated your spouse differently than God does.  Share some of these with your spouse.  
    In the continuing effort to tether participants to God’s Word, consider having someone read the passage out loud. Then let them demonstrate how they are staying inside their circle by sharing one of the things they wrote down.

Reminders

  • The list of items above question 5 is a great launchpad for couples to better understand one another. Becoming students of one another is key to developing emotional intimacy.
    - If participants need some suggestions on how to better understand their spouse, suggest to couples that they take the online love language quiz based on Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages. This time-tested method will give them a place to start.
  • Remind couples that emotional Intimacy is a powerful bond but it takes time and effort. It won’t happen in one week. Encourage ways to be intentional, such as weekly date nights with a few date-night questions!
  • Let couples know that the group discussion time for next week’s lesson on Sexual Intimacy might look a little different than normal. Read ahead to Lesson 12 to help you organize your thoughts.
Small Group Ground Rules
Posted in Re Engage

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